Club for Growth

New York's finest look on after beating protesters to a pulp. When asked for a comment, a police spokesman said, "Hey, they started a let's go Red Sox chant. What were we supposed to do? Just stand there."

In a show of Kerry support, protesters recreate the famous "ketchup" scene from Dazed and Confused. One protester caught red handed said "We only use genuine Heinz ketchup. We are indirectly trying to overthrow the Bush regime."

But not everybody was happy. One ex-protester said, "I thought Parker Posey was going to squirt the ketchup on us. That would be hot. But when Michael Moore showed up instead, I knew we were in trouble."

Trial lawyers stage a "foil stomp" to protest the debilitating difficulty in opening foil ketchup packets. "We suspect that 34% of US ketchup consumers have experienced severe emotional distress trying to open these damn things. When you have to stomp on food packaging to release the contents something is terribly, terribly wrong."

New York City police share a collective sigh of relief. Three thousand cases of "Hippie-B-Gone" arrived only minutes before the first wave of protesters.

Dedicated to war, President Bush decides that the 1st Amendment is no longer valid (because Jesus told him so) and unleashes his fury on "those damned liberals". Later, FOX news blames the liberals for walking in front of the cowboy's bullets.

If you hear it enough, it must be true...

No need to get alarmed men! Just an hour ago they were dead before they were alive, now they are dead again.

"Sorry officer, I was just trying to find Rush on the Radio."

John Kerry shakes up campaign staff.

Would you like fries with your ketchup?

In the process of painting peace signs, these Darwin Award winners forgot the advice of their childhood - never sniff the paint fumes.

Police Officers look on in amusement as eager liberals audition for a scene in Michael Moore's new paranoid movie, "Celsius 11/2: Four More Years". "We just came out from eating breakfast, and here they were, moaning and groaning," an officer said. "I hope Mr. Moore doesn't pick them. They're mighty bad actors!"

Looks like the liberals are now trying to prove that ketchup is deadly so they can sue McDonalds.

Caption =
"Protestors at the convention react to the suggestion that they get a job"

As Republicans inside wow Americans with one of the most effective conventions in modern history, overcome Kerry supporters collapse in the shape of an "L" at the daunting notion of playing ketchup (as police look on)

Several radical protesters drank tainted Kool-Aid after being informed by other demonstrators that the 60's were over.

Unbeknownst to Iraq War protesters, they remind ordinary Iraqis of their relatives that were slaughtered in Saddam's mass graves.

"Good riddance to the Butcher of Baghdad! Phtewy!"

As bewildered NYC patrolmen look on, a handful of abstract expressionists simultaneously collapse from exhaustion, just moments after completing their collaborative magnum opus, "Red Paint on Grey Brick". The work, commissioned by the New School for Social Research and subsidized with generous funding from the National Endowment for the Arts, was part of the "Wasted Space" series of street art displayed at various locations in and around New York City during the Republican National Convention.

Photo csption contest

" Avid Kerry supporters scramble to spread Heinz Ketchup on the pavement outside of Madison Square Garden last week after hearing rumors that the genetically engineered condiment is toxic to Republicans "

Where would some children get the idea that that screaming, crying, throwing paint all around, and finally just plopping down and refusing to cooperate actually gets them what they want? Oh wait, liberals raise kids, too...

Sydney police supress chuckles after protestors slip on their own red paint.

Vowing a "swift response", Senator Kerry views the results of the latest terrorist attack, and submits a resolution to the UN to study the incident to determine if it meets the criteria for an "incident", or whether the attackers were merely "freedom fighters". Joining in the strong condemnation, Al Gore agrees that more study is neede before further action can be considered, and advises Kerry on close consultations with the French before submitting draft resolutions to the UN in order to gain harmony.